Introduction

Encountering an angry person can be one of the most uncomfortable experiences. Whether it's an upset friend, a frustrated coworker, or a family member in a heated discussion, knowing how to navigate these tense moments is crucial. But what should you avoid saying to really de-escalate the situation?

Expert Insight from Ryan Martin

Raj Punjabi and Noah Michelson, hosts of HuffPost’s podcast “Am I Doing It Wrong?”, recently spoke with Ryan Martin, a respected psychology professor known as the "Anger Professor." They sought to understand the best strategies for dealing with anger more effectively.

The Harmful Phrases to Avoid

During their conversation, Michelson highlighted a tweet from Martin that resonated: "Never in the history of 'calm downs' has 'calm down' calmed anyone." Martin affirmed this point, emphasizing that phrases like "calm down" and "relax" only serve to infuriate the other person further.

Understanding Anger

According to Martin, when someone is upset, their ability to think rationally diminishes, intensifying their defensiveness. Uttering commands such as "breathe" or "calm down" will likely yield no positive results. Instead, modeling calmness through your own demeanor can create a more soothing atmosphere.

Adopt a Softer Approach

“One common mistake is that people yell ‘calm down’ when they should deliver that message more softly,” Martin observed. Speaking in a gentle tone can help to lower the emotional temperature of the interaction, encouraging the other person to mirror your calmness—a phenomenon that can be traced back to our evolutionary instincts.

Encouraging Constructive Dialogue

By maintaining a calm demeanor and softly encouraging the individual to express their frustrations, you can significantly reduce the tension. Martin suggests showing acknowledgment for their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their perspective: “You might say something like, ‘I can see you’re really upset about this. Let’s work through some possible solutions,’ which validates their emotions while steering the conversation toward a resolution.”

Self-Reflection Before Reacting

In addition to these strategies, Martin presented three critical self-reflective questions to consider before reacting in anger, and he emphasized the importance of reconsidering emotional emails before sending them.

Conclusion

For listeners eager for more insights on managing anger, emotional intelligence, and practical life skills, don’t forget to subscribe to “Am I Doing It Wrong?” on your preferred podcast platform! Ryan Martin’s expert advice not only helps navigate through anger but can also transform these challenging interactions into opportunities for constructive dialogue. So, the next time you find yourself facing an angry individual, remember: the goal is not just to make them calm, but to communicate and understand. Understanding their feelings can pave the way for a more pleasant conversation and ultimately lead to a happier resolution for both parties.