In a candid revelation on CBS's YouTube channel, Tony An, a renowned member of the original K-Pop group H.O.T., opened up about his tumultuous mental health journey following his skyrocketing success as an idol and entrepreneur.

Reflections on H.O.T.

Reflecting on his time with H.O.T., Tony revealed profound feelings of insecurity that plagued him throughout his career. "Throughout my time as an idol, I always lacked self-esteem. I thought to myself, ‘I’m not good enough, but I was fortunate enough to be signed to a good agency and teamed up with remarkable members.’ I believed I had no real talent of my own, and I was terrified to pursue anything solo for fear of failure," he confessed.

Transition to Entrepreneurship

In a pivot to the business world around 2005, Tony founded a school uniform brand, School Looks, which initially experienced tremendous success. However, this meteoric rise in entrepreneurship also brought about a long and harrowing battle with mental health challenges. "I didn’t think I would last long as a celebrity, so I ventured into business. Everything seemed perfect at first, and I thought, ‘Now, I’ll finally be recognized.’ But that’s when my life began to unravel," he explained.

Feelings of Loneliness

Tony described feelings of inexplicable loneliness, despite his success. "It’s hard to explain, but I felt lonely despite having everything. I started isolating myself and eventually stopped meeting my friends. I constructed walls around me that significantly impacted my physical health, leading to debilitating headaches," he shared. After visiting a psychiatrist, he was diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder, social anxiety, and five other conditions, leading to a regimen of medications.

Coping Mechanisms and a Wake-Up Call

As Tony's mental health deteriorated, so did his coping mechanisms. Mixing alcohol with his medication led to alarming incidents, including a terrifying moment where he awoke in a daze to find himself bleeding, having unintentionally harmed himself while in a trance. “I had no memory of what had happened, but when I looked around, I found chunks of my hair on the floor—it was a shocking wake-up call,” he recounted.

Tipping Point

The tipping point came when Tony received a call from building security alerting him that he had broken a mirror in the elevator by ramming his head into it. "In that moment, I realized something had to change," he acknowledged.

A Ray of Hope

But it wasn’t until he received a Christian book from a fan that hope began to seep into his life again. This gift inspired him to reevaluate his situation and seek recovery. "After three dark years battling various mental health issues, I finally started to see a sliver of light," he shared optimistically.

Military Service and Recovery

Following this turning point, Tony enlisted in the army in 2008 to fulfill his mandatory military service. "The routine and discipline of army life helped me regain my stability," he explained.

Return to the Spotlight

Today, Tony An has made a commendable return to the spotlight, hosting SBS's *Animal Farm* and founding a dance school called "Stage 631," which has since been rebranded as "Red Stage," in collaboration with choreographer Bae Yoon Jung. Tony's journey stands as a powerful reminder of resilience and the importance of seeking help, showing fans that even the brightest stars can face dark times, but recovery is always possible.